As the old wedding day tradition of not seeing each other until the ceremony gets left behind, a new counter-tradition has emerged – the first look! This is the moment you see each other all dressed up in your wedding attire for the first time, and whether you elope or have a traditional wedding, it can create some really special memories.

This guide will help you answer the question, “should we do a first look” with some pros and cons to figure out if it’s right for you, and give you some ideas for making your first look extra special – along with some alternatives if you decide you don’t want to see each other until the ceremony after all.

First Things First – What is a First Look?

Before you decide if you should do a first look, you’ll need to know how it all works! The first look is the first time you see each other – either the first time on your wedding day, or the first time you’re all glammed up. Some couples avoid seeing each other at all on their wedding day until their ceremony, but most split up to get ready separately after spending some time together in the morning, so the first look is just as customizable as everything else on your day!

To pull off the first look, you’ll coordinate with your photographer. As a wedding & elopement photographer, I’ll share how I lead my couples during their first look. There are many different variations for how you do a first look, but I’ll share the most common example.

First – I talk with my couple about the best spot to do their first look, often this is a spot I’ve scouted nearby with even lighting (so no one is squinting into the sun) and private from any other people or distractions. Then when they’re ready, I’ll guide Partner 1 to stand in a designated spot, facing away from where Partner 2 will be entering from. They’ll have strict instructions not to turn around until they feel a tap on the shoulder or a hug from behind them. I also like to give my clients a little pep talk at this time to reassure them and help set the scene that this time is for them to be present with their partner without expectations.

Partner 2 will then come up behind their partner, walk towards them, then tap them on the shoulder or give them a hug! They’ll turn around so they’re both facing each other, and can soak in the moment of seeing each other ready for the day. 

I’ll make sure to give them a little bit of space, documenting the moment from a little farther away so that the they can enjoy this time together and be present as they anticipate the incredible day they have ahead of them.

Why Should We Do a First Look?

If you’re on the fence, here are some reasons that a lot of couples decide to do a first look! 

But remember – this is your wedding day, and if you want to preserve the tradition and wait to see each other, or you want to ditch tradition entirely and get ready together, you absolutely can.

You Can Spend Time Together

A first look gives you more time with your partner. With traditional weddings, and even smaller ones, it can often feel like you’re busy spending time with all your guests and making sure you’re able to hangout with everyone, and that can mean that you don’t actually get to spend a lot of time with the person you’ve married!

A first look gives you some time to yourselves – during the first look most couples keep it to just the two of them, so you can have that moment, and a few minutes afterwards, to just be present with each other. After the first look, couples usually take some photos together, which allows you to spend some time together before joining your loved ones. 

You Can Take Photos Before the Ceremony

Doing a first look also allows you to finish some photos before the ceremony! If you’ve already seen each other, you can take some photos together, as well as wedding party photos and photos with family. This gives you more time after the ceremony to just hang out and enjoy the celebration, or to take a little bit more time to yourselves.

First Looks Are More Personal

Another huge benefit of doing a first look is that you can keep it personal. Seeing each other for the first time without all of your guests around you takes some pressure off, allowing the two of you to relax a little more without worrying about all those eyes on you.

This usually creates a space for both of you to fully express how you feel, because you know that it’s just you and your partner! It’s always a really sweet, emotional moment that you’ll remember forever.

First Looks Calm Your Nerves! 

So many couples say that doing a first look and being able to see their partner made them feel more relaxed, and that the wedding day nerves just melted away! It’s totally normal to be nervous before the ceremony, because it’s such a big moment – all the anticipation and excitement has been building up, and butterflies are pretty much inevitable.

When I eloped, I was kind of surprised that I was so nervous before the ceremony. But, my partner and I did a first look, and being able to see him and hug him completely calmed those nerves! Just about every couple who decides to do a first look says the same thing – that having that moment to themselves to be present and really soak it all in, together, allowed them to just relax.

First Look Ideas

To make your first look unique and even more meaningful, you can add a little twist and personalize it to fit the two of you! Here are some first look ideas that you can add, or even do instead of a first look if you decide it’s not right for you.

Do a First Touch

Some couples will stand back to back, open a door and stand on opposite sides of it, or stand against adjacent walls on the outside corner of a building. This allows you to hold hands and talk to each other, without seeing your partner! You can do this before the first look, building the anticipation, or replace the first look with this idea.

Exchange Letters

Another way to make your first look special is to exchange handwritten letters. I’ve had couples exchange letters while they stand back to back before turning around for the first look, and couples who do their first look and then read the letters to each other. If you don’t want to see each other before the ceremony, you can also have someone else deliver the letters for you to read in private!

Share Private Vows

In a similar note to exchanging letters, if you want to share heartfelt vows to your partner but perhaps are feeling a little nervous or vulnerable in saying those out loud in front of guests at your ceremony this can be a great option! Some couples have chosen to share private vows during their first look, then have their ceremony with guests focus on other elements – like reading a poem, sharing how they met, or doing a ritual like a ring warming, or handfasting, to make the ceremony feel special for all.

Plan a Surprise

Another fun first look idea is to surprise your partner! Since you’ll have this moment to yourselves, it’s the perfect opportunity to give them a meaningful gift or surprise them with something.

The biggest surprise I’ve ever pulled off happened during our first look on our elopement day! I commissioned my partner, Colin’s…. favorite band, OWEL, to write and record a song about our relationship. My photographer and a few friends helped me hide a bluetooth speaker in the ferns that started playing the song after we did our first look, and we shared a private dance to our new, unique love song. Many happy tears were shed and it remains one of my favorite memories of our day. The band enjoyed creating this song for us so much they asked if we’d be willing to let them share the song publicly in their deluxe album release! So if you’d like to hear the song firsthand – it’s called “Lighthouse” by OWEL and can be found on Spotify.

First Look with Family Members or Close Friends

First looks don’t need to be limited to partners – you can plan a first look with anyone that’s important to you, whether that be a parent, a sibling, or a best friend! These can lead to some very tender moments and precious photos with loved ones. When planning a first look with someone other than the person you’re marrying – be sure to give your photographer a heads up, as well as the person you want to do a first look with. This will ensure you both are ready and looking your best for the first look!

This example below by Venture Ever After, shows a bride sharing a first look with her partner and her Dad at the same time!

First Look Prank?

You may have seen the viral videos about “hilarious best man wedding dress pranks” where an assumedly cisgender man surprises the groom at their wedding first look by putting on a wedding dress for laughs. While it may seem like a “funny first look prank” it is actually more harmful than you might think. And there are several reasons you might be filled with regret down the line for joining in on this problematic wedding trend. Here’s some things to consider if you’ve found yourself wanting to recreate this for an upcoming wedding, along with some stellar alternatives to first look pranks that will have even more laughs and smiles. 

The trend of having a male-presenting individual wearing a dress for the sole purpose of pranking the groom may appear like innocent fun, but it can actually be harmful to folks in the LGBTQIA+ community, and in particular trans and non-binary folks. This potential harm stems from the root of the “prank” insinuating that a “man in a dress” is a joke and something to be laughed at. To quote non-binary & queer wedding photographer, Shannon Collins, from their post about first look pranks – “…when trans women and gender nonconforming individuals wear dresses as part of their gender expression, there are almost always repercussions. In the trans community, trans women are oftentimes viewed as a joke, when they aren’t being depicted as dangerous.” As a queer wedding photographer myself, I’ve photographed many people of all gender identities in dresses, skirts, kilts, pants, suits, etc as their wedding attire that they feel the most themselves in. I strongly believe everyone at a wedding – both guests and the people getting married – should feel safe & empowered to dress how they wish, without fear of being laughed at or made fun of.

Unique First Look Idea

So if humor and laughter is a big part of you & your partner’s relationship, I would encourage you to consider some alternatives to a first look prank that are more lighthearted and loving in nature. Here’s a favorite example from a wedding I photographed. The bride wore an inflatable rainbow unicorn costume for her walk on the beach to see her groom for their first look. She tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around to see…a unicorn! He was laughing so hard and absolutely LOVED this first look prank! They shared a few hugs before the bride unzipped her costume and shimmied out to reveal her sparkling wedding dress.

Should We Do a First Look?

Some couples worry that a first look will take away from the ceremony, making it feel less special – but the truth is I’ve seen happy tears from couples coming down the aisle even when they saw each other just a few minutes ago! Your ceremony won’t be any less special (you’re getting married – nothing can take away from that!) but the time before your ceremony might be even more so.

While I love first looks, whether or not you and your partner should do one is a personal decision and one that you should make together, keeping in mind that your wedding day is all about you – and all about doing exactly what feels right. Talk it over with your partner, and decide how you feel about first looks and whether you want to incorporate one into your day. 

And if you’re ready to plan a wedding day that’s unique and completely yours, contact me! My job as a wedding & elopement photographer is to make sure you get to celebrate your love story, and to cherish those memories forever.